2024.04.11
The Yaesu, Nihonbashi, and Kyobashi areas, home to Tokyo Station—the gateway to Japan—not only welcome many people but also maintain strong ties to the local community. A series of articles by the popular young essayist, Zettai ni Shuden wo Nogasanai Onna, offers insights into the city and its people.
I have only one friend in my neighborhood. Since I moved into my current home just over a year ago, I have frequently kept in touch with an upper class woman who has been living in the city. We exchange texts to share our little discoveries and information about the neighborhood like restaurants with great food, interesting posters, local events we’ve attended, the butcher’s handsome son in the shopping arcade, unusual people we encounter, and strange insects we find. Even though we rarely meet in person, I find reassurance and comfort in having a friend in the neighborhood.
I chose the phrase “friend in the neighborhood” because “neighbors” suggests people who happen to live nearby and have come to meet and socialize with each other.
Gokinjyo, which we visited this time, is a workplace neighborhood” community for women working in the Yaesu, Nihonbashi, and Kyobashi areas organized by Tokyo Tatemono. The LINE group currently has around 50 members, and small group dinners and drinks are hosted several times a month at well-established restaurants in the area. It is a loose-knit group that is free to join or leave with no membership fee. The basic rules of this group are “no denying” and “no forcing.”
Aside from working in the same neighborhood, we have nothing in common and no ties to each other. However, no one has left the LINE group so far, and the conversation seems to be continuing. This time, I had the opportunity to observe such Gokinjyo members at the izakaya Ikemasu in Nihonbashi while participating in their drinking gathering.
The four members are as follows.
Nikaido (a.k.a. Nika-chan): In her late 20s, she is a second-year comedian belonging to Yoshimoto Kogyo. She is a Gokinjyo’s community manager.
Ms. K: In her early 40s, she is divorced and single, working as an employee at a real estate company. She is a rationalist, nicknamed the “walking Hot Pepper” (after the town information magazine) because she knows a lot about restaurants and conducts thorough research in advance to avoid making detours.
Ms. N: In her late 40s, she is single and works as a company employee. She has also become a cooking researcher after spending a lot of time alone and mastering the art of cooking.
Ms. A: In her early thirties, she is single and works in clerical positions at an old-fashioned company where women are expected to quit if they get married. Despite her career profile, her personality is flamboyant and cheerful, making it hard for anyone to imagine such a bright demeanor from her job description.
Since Gokinjyo has only recently been established, most members had never met each other before. We began by introducing ourselves in seating order since it seemed to be the routine for every gathering. We shared our names, occupations, and workplaces. Then, out of the blue, Nika-chan added, “Also, tell us your favorite type of cat and the type you dislike!” In response to this unusual question, we each named as many cat types as we could, mentioning whether we liked or disliked them. At first, I thought to myself, “What a strange question!” But it turned out to be much more fun than I expected. When we stick to ordinary self-introductions, going through basic profiles, it usually leads to harmless small talk. However, sharing the types of cats we like and dislike reveals our personalities and values. This sparked conversation, and I felt it helped us connect more quickly.
This time, I heard they intentionally gathered a variety of different types of people. In fact, these are the kinds of people I wouldn’t normally be friends with if we were in the same class at school.
Despite that, we had a wonderful time discussing romantic relationships and sharing juicy stories. For example, one person shared, “I discovered my husband was cheating, so I secretly prepared for a divorce and left home, leaving behind a letter.” Another said, “I noticed my boyfriend was cheating because there was a Haagen-Dazs ice cream in the fridge, even though he wouldn’t eat it. So, I threw a cutting board (a thin plastic one) at him.” Someone else added, “When your boyfriend betrays you, it’s better to just express your feelings directly like that instead of trying to sort everything out and talk logically. That way, he’ll really get how you feel.” And one person advised, “You shouldn’t date someone who fits your type exactly in terms of appearance because you will work too hard to avoid rejection and end up feeling exhausted. Instead, date someone whose looks aren’t exactly your type.”
When we asked these women why they joined Gokinjyo, one of them mentioned that she wanted friends to casually go to the restaurants she liked near work with. Another woman said she preferred not to have friends from the same company because there are certain things she can discuss more openly with someone outside of it.
Indeed, at this gathering, we discussed many topics that would typically be difficult to share with colleagues from the same company. One of them said, “I don’t want to discuss my personal life with my coworkers, and I don’t want to hear about theirs either. When we all feel this way, we often end up bad-mouthing other colleagues, and I really dislike that. It is better to stay quiet than to speak ill of others.” She mentioned that even when she has a friend in the same company, there are times when something triggers awkwardness between them or strange rumors circulate, causing their relationship to sour.
On the other hand, Gokinjyo doesn’t require participation in the drinking gatherings; simply observing the town’s information and conversations shared in the social media group chat is perfectly fine. If they get along well, they can go out for drinks individually after work since they live close enough to meet easily. In other words, you can decide the distance to other members for yourself. Since the only common factor is women who work in the same city, many participants seem to feel comfortable and, in a way, reassured.
Some may view these loose-knit connections as shallow or superficial relationships. I used to think that way.
I used to believe that true friends were those who could speak openly and honestly with each other, and that friendships lacking this were insignificant. I was stuck in that kind of rigid thinking. I even found that kind of shallow socializing disgusting. I was firmly focused on building friendships that were as deep and narrow as possible.
I suppose few people were as extreme as I once was. Still, I found this drinking gathering refreshing because I often noticed how, in school classes, girls were clearly divided into groups and seldom interacted beyond them.
This isn’t limited to just this gathering, but as an adult, you sometimes find yourself unexpectedly enjoying conversations and getting along with people you never would have connected with back in school. Perhaps this is because, as adults, we develop enough capacity to appreciate differences in hobbies and values among people. It’s moments like these that make me truly grateful to have grown up.
Even when we chat with each other while being considerate and using common sense, this relationship isn’t necessarily dry or superficial. In fact, we can sometimes talk honestly only when we maintain a proper distance from the people we interact with. In some relationships, the unique distance between people can foster comfort and enjoyment, allowing us to share enjoyable moments together.
There are as many relationships as there are people, and there is an appropriate distance for each person with whom we interact. The distance in relationships can’t be classified as superior or inferior. As long as we interact with mutual respect and the distance feels comfortable, I believe every human relationship is precious.
During the gathering, we had a lively discussion about dating apps. Although the number of tools for meeting people of the opposite sex has increased in recent years, as working adults, we have fewer opportunities to make new same-sex friends. In that sense, I was impressed by how perfect the idea of a workplace community is. Perhaps we may be able to develop a relationship with someone we can truly call our best friend.
We said goodbye while I was thinking like that. On my way home, I stopped by the supermarket near my place. While shopping, I felt a sense of belonging, as if I were someone working in that area, returning home from a workplace neighborhood gathering.
Ikemasu Nihonbashi
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Born in 1995. Graduated from the School of Humanities and Social Sciences, Waseda University. Active as a writer since her college days, she now primarily contributes essays to Web media, magazines, and movie pamphlets. Her serialized essay, City Girl Miman, originally published in the Web magazine GINZA (Magazine House), gained widespread attention and was released as a book in 2023. (Icon photo by Mikako Kozai)
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